Is this really love?

Optimus Prime officially commences tomorrow.

Who knows.

I wonder what it feels like to get hit with acid.

BEFORE YOU GET TOO IMPRESSED WITH ME

AHEM.

Monday

Medieval Art

9-11:50AM

Elementary Statistics

2-2:50

Mass Media

6-7:20PM

Tuesday

International Politics

11-12:20

Biology Lecture

12:30-1:20

Wednesday

Elementary Statistics

2-2:50

Media Writing and Editing II

6-8:20PM

Thursday:

International Politics

11-12:20

Biology Lecture

12:30-1:20

Biology Lab

3:00-4:50

Friday

Elementary Statistics

2-2:50

I like this version a little better to be honest even though I did want my Fridays off. I'm a big fan of the whole time thing. I don't mind waking up on Monday mornings for a 3 hour Art History class :D but the other days make time for me to sleep in. I've got 2 classes for each of my degrees and all of them including my biology class satisfy core requirements.

I have class in about 3 hours. I think I'll just stay up. Then I can nap until 11. Go to the cafeteria at 12. Mass comm at 12:30 (For the first time in a week/we're studying music/ it's the last class of the day before break for 200 communications majors) = I DESERVE AN AWARD FOR GOING.

and then at 2 Alexandra and Tiffini come to TCU to see my room and stuffs. And then at 5 I register for the aforementioned schedule. Which is not what I hoped it would be before but it is still good as it makes room for my nightly anxiety attacks/random bouts of insomnia.

I think i've put on about 5-10 pounds since the first two months of school. I can't stop eating. Like I'm so bored, that eating is just something TO DO. Because all of my friends are broke.

MoneyIsLikeADrug. You spend and you get happy, it's like a REALLY CHEAP SHITTY THRILL. But once you throw away the reciept, your life is meaningless again. Online shopping is then essentially where it's at. Because there's that waiting period in between that actual purchase during which you're filled with a sense of inexplicable euphoric anticipation. And then you take what you bought out of the box and it's over again. Sometimes you wanna dig around in there to check if they left you anything extra like it's a fucking stocking or some shit like that. I used to like saving money and then I realized that it was the only thing I had that TRULY gave me any sense of empowerment. Empowerment? Let's use that word. Maniacal feeling of triumph over stupid mainstream culture.

The girls here aren't girly or spontaneous enough, the boys here aren't friendly or cool enough.

This place is like the PERFECT FUCKING LITTLE LATTICE PIE CRUST over a shit filling of canned puree pumpkin. Like the rest of North Texas.

I have to go back to my house for the rest of the week. Do not want. There's a shit ton of construction going on and it's a fucking nightmare trying to get out through the discarded roof shingles that crunch under your boots like glass, the rusty nails threatening to bite through your itching skin. It makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.

A lot of friends, crunches, videogames, and family. I don't mind. I'm also going to brush up on my French and start learning some Russian.

dirkadirkadirka AND THERE'S TONS OF BIGOTS HERE dirkadirkadirka

I bought the soundtrack to The Invisible. It was a terrible movie. But the soundtrack was a 2007 SPIN editor's wet dream...

I'll love you till you're queasy

So I was thinking about things.

Optimus Prime will BE IN EFFECT ON DECEMBER 1.

That's why it didn't work.

I was supposed to check it each month.

I suffer from chronic fatigue, moderate depression, social anxiety disorder, and mild insomnia.

ILikeAllTheNamesForTheThingsThatAreWrongWithMe.

It gives me a feeling of significance.

Pathetic really.

PHOTOGRAPHY.

I've been looking at it for a couple of days.

It really is something.

She's amazing.

I'm gonna skype Karl and watch Sherlock Holmes movies with him.

I also went to an anime convention over the weekend.

I'm trying to find illustrations.

Visual interpretations.

There's a Tim Burton retrospective at the MOMA in NYC. Which I will never see.

Because I'm a free bitch baby

"You and I could waste away somewhere nice"

Is it so hard to find someone to be meaningless with?

Someone to suffer from solipsism with?

You can't run from it forever.

"That old saying,

how you always hurt

the one you love?

Well,

it works both

ways."

We're gonna diary it up today.

So.

Let me tell you some things.

Friday. I basically stayed up all night and have no recollection of anything else.

I then got dressed at 8:30 and then it took me about half an hour to walk a mile across campus to get to my advisor's office.

He works out of a dilapidated house because they haven't finished adding his office to the Communications office.

His name is Dr. Stewart. He's dank as fuck. He majored in Journalism and then took his ass to law school which he didn't like so he ended up teaching journalism.

....

I also am a journalism major who will be going to Law School and not liking it. So...mentor?

He also fully encouraged me to look into periodical design and told me to get an internship this summer.

Our meeting went well and my predicted schedule is this:

Monday

Medieval Art

9-11:50AM

Mass Media

6-7:20PM

Tuesday

Intro to Political Theory

9:30-10:50

Elementary Statistics

11-12:20

Biology Lecture

12:30-1:20

Wednesday

Media Writing and Editing II

6-8:20PM

Thursday:

Intro to Political Theory

9:30-10:50

Elementary Statistics

11-12:20

Biology Lecture

12:30-1:20

Biology Lab

3:00-4:50

Friday

NOTHING

16 hours total. Taking classes that I actually like. Good timing.

AFTER THAT, I went back to my dorm and passed out in bed. I woke up roughly four hours later to Sidra calling my cellphone and asking if I wanted to join her at Panera for lunch to which I agreed. So After a bowl of macaroni and half a turkey sandwich, I got back to campus. Went to Waits Hall, studied for about twenty minutes. Got bored went to look for Kim in the cafeteria. She ditched me to go watch Repo! The Genetic fucking Opera for the 20398034th time instead of working on our 6 page paper with me.I went back to my dorm at this point and took a two hour nap and a shower and then waited for her to call me.

Never happened. So I cried. Like a pansy. I cried. Yes. I have emotions. That I hate having. I have them. I ended up sitting with Meheret and Angela in the office for an hour and talking to Ashley until 1. By this time my head was pounding so I just sat down and rested. Consider this- I'm awake, but I'm too tired to do anything that involves thinking. So being the useless piece of failure that I am, I call Chris Waits. At 2:30. I was scared I woke him up but he just calmed me down and talked to me for an hour and helped me write my professor an email.He told me to go to bed around 3AM.

Instead I lay in my bed and stared at the celling until about 7:30 AM. Now I'm fucked. I have a Muslim Students Association event at 3PM-6PM and then Mela from 7-10PM. I have a 250 page book to be read by Monday with a 500 word essay due with it. I also requested an extension for the aforementioned 6page paper until Sunday night. And Sunday is the only day I can see Tiffini.

Anyways.

What I've decided is that people aren't worth my time unless they make time for me. I hate being forgotten about. I HATE IT.

And I need to get rid of all this stress. I need to fix optimus prime, I need to get my nails done, I need a massage, I need to sleep. I've been staying up all night and taking four hour naps once a day. I'm making it to all my classed and taking notes and studying but I can't get any writing done. I'm too fatigued.

Now that this novel is over. Let's get back to the regularly scheduled program.

Hug me

.275 I missed myself by Mern featuring Nanette Lepore dresses