Crippling insecurity.

Why won't you leave me?

The boy I'm in love with loves me for me but I don't want him to see me.

He's more beautiful than I could ever hope to be.

Entertaining notions. I smoke a lot. It's a problem now. I like the feeling too much. I didn't know you could feel like that.

I feel so beautiful.

I've never felt beautiful before.

Also this obsession with smoke is becoming a nuisance. I keep burning myself on purpose. Just to see what will happen. Skin blisters in the most appealing way.

Time to go re-watch Red Dragon and hope one day I meet a blind boy to fall in love with.

All my life I wanted to be self-destructive. And here we are.

I don't want

I don't think I want to be touched. For a very long time.

The craving though...hilarious. How do you know what you want when you've never even had it, he said.

I now have 6 journals, 3 Jacobs, 2 Toms, and a very expensive taste for certain herbs.

Remember when the only problem I had was getting my poetry published or finishing Heart of Darkness?

I write too slow to keep up with my brain. I need someone creative enough to keep up with me.

I. I. I. I. I.

There are bracelets to be made, promises to be kept, and people to see. I would much rather vanish.