Shut up Jude

I don't want my religion shoved down my throat.

I'll get up and go get it myself.

I sort of like who I am right now.

Um.

Tomorrow is the last time I'll ever have to work on The Quill ever again, and then!

Oh tomorrow is the prank. Hopefully I can pull it off.

What is it about boys that makes girls lose all their dignity?

I really don't think anything like that about us. All they want is to get some really.

I wish I could just marry Jack White's music. I think that's seriously the best boyfriend ever I think.

Anyways. Boys. They suck.

I'm on a hiatus from them until college. I'm not throwing myself at anyone, people can throw themselves at me. I need a group (A haus of Andy Warhol-esque proportions). Hopefully.

You know those people who you wish were your friends but you're not even sure they exist?

God always cuts me off short on these things.

Just one or two years older and I could hang out with Lorraine, Kamran, Ambreen, Jake, Vader, Eric and all of them instead of being "Lil Mern" that they come visit me sometimes.

I wish I was still the person I was in freshman year sometimes. I'd just go along with whatever was happening and have a good time regardless of what anyone else thought.

The riff on Death Letter by TWS is the most beautiful thing on the planet.

But anyways- I seemed to be with people or have people there all the time. Now when I go out with people it's like a responsibility I have to fulfill. 'She went out with me last time, so I have to take her somewhere'. 'Let's go chill at the mall because I need to buy a dress for a party'.

There's no more, 'hanging out', 'watching a movie'. It's always because we HAVE to do something or watch it because it is THE movie.

No more spontaneity of just being at home and then showing up to theater ten minutes later to watch a shitty movie just to be together. That's why I like hanging out with Arub and Rumsha.

Actually it's weird with them. I feel like I'm leading them. The conversations and what we do. I dictate and they follow. There's still no spontaneity there because of Arub's parents but whatever. Once she gets a car it'll be better.

I just hope college will deliver on my expectations. If it doesn't, I'll be pissed. I need to surround myself with new people. I don't want to be a leader or a follower. I want to be "one of the gang". Like that one person that can't NOT be on the guestlist.

Am I dumb for wanting this? Yeah probably.

Night.