Everything hurts

And it feels so good.

Fuck you, P90x

I went out and did all those stupid ditzy glamorous annoying things I used to do in high school with my family and their friends.

Yeah I felt awkward and didn't fit in with any people. But it was nice just being entertained and being with people who have known me for a while.

Oh and walking around in 4 inch platform heels was also pretty fun ;D

I haven't done that in a while

There's absolutely nothing wrong with who I am. I keep forgetting that.

That's the thing I like best about me. That there's no one like me.

I'm the only me in the entire universe.

Sure there are better, sure I'm not the most unique, most creative, whatever.

But I'm me.

And I think I might have almost achieved what I've wanted since I was 12

I think I am the best me I can possibly be...just by...being...me.

Anyways.

The zine I'm starting...I'm really worked up about it.

I'm trying to compile all my ideas while I'm on this trip so I can act accordingly once I get back.

It's funny because now I have this blog ( I used to hate blogging so much), my Tumblr (I hated tumblr even more- still kind of do), my journal, my commonplace book, and the little notepad I keep in my bag.

But whatever. I'm just so excited that I'm finally actually doing it.

As for why my life has sucked from January to June:

I realize now that I broke some of my biggest rules-

Never talk to people you feel you have to justify yourself for.

Also, never feel you have to do something because everyone else is.

Don't bother with those who can't keep up

and

STAY PARANOID.

I've been listening to so much Kid Cudi lately. I have no idea why I am so impressed with him.

I asked for other opinions, tried to NOT like his music- I just can't.

I guess it's how Rumsha is with Drake. Hmm.

Anyways....

I'm just looking everywhere for inspiration. I'm back to how I always was, looking for new things, soaking up stories.....

Colors magazine is pretty impressive. I'm going to see if I can find more issues before adding it to my favorites list.

These magazines take up a lot of room but I collect and have kept them for a reason.

I like going back through them. I want people to go back through them.

I'll be in England soon. Back where I feel like I fit in the most.

I'll have my flower rings back from last summer. And I can go to Troll and buy more...which I don't need.

I've decided that I'm not going to buy any more necklaces but I want to start dressing like a drag-ed out gypsy again. I thought I looked beautiful. I'm changing my hair too- as soon as school starts so my mom doesn't flip a shit.

I'm just glad that I believe in myself again, love all my quirks again, realized what good things and friends I have.

I am not my parents, I am not my former religion, I am not my culture, I am not my private school education.