Strangeluv

Don't you just feel like vomiting at the thought of the time you wasted being unproductive...the time you wasted not doing something fulfilling.

Solitude has begun to disgust me recently. Mainly because of the internet.

Mainly because I have a tendency to make everyone I meet my new best friend.

Ergo...I dissapoint so many people.

I see it as a parallel to the relationship I have with my parents.

Everyone is simply a resource, a distant familiar face, a laugh here or there.

They used to say I "worshipped" my friends in high school because I had NONE growing up.

But now I don't know.

I'm assigning value systems in my head.

Like a videogame with point targets.

Compliment, hug, high-five= 10 points

Phonecall, lunch, mall date= Level up

Such a disgusting manipulative person.

I realize that I grind my teeth quite a bit.

But to be honest with you, kitty, as I get older...the pathos fades away.

An acquired taste for mediocrity.

WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?

I may even end up in a small upper middle class colony of white-stucco-and-red-brick two story houses, sending my children for whom I could never connect with to my old school.

My degree plan is mocking me. Slap in the face. It's an exact copy of my lifeplan.

Oh.

Oh I hope...I don't end up telling my poor disconnected children stories about myself from college...encouraging isolation as the best way to stay focused on their predetermined lives.