Simon Doonan

You spend your whole life waiting for something fantastic to happen.

And then you realize how much you're really worth in the world, how insignificant you are.

But do you accept it and move on OR do you strive to achieve some sort of significance?

Is the former or the latter the right option?

Do you spend the rest of your life worrying about whether you made the right choice?

But how can you accept yourself for what you are? Are we not here to perfect ourselves? Constantly we see eachother trying harder and harder to make ourselves better somehow, change ourselves. I accept this wholeheartedly and have decided the best way to do this is in a completely extreme way that will somehow SOMEHOW result in A) an epiphany of some sort, not necessarily religious, B) confidence, C) Dissasociative identity disorder, D) Happiness, or E) all of the above.

I choose E.

I am so tired of people criticizing me because I don't come up to standard for them. I gossip too much, I talk too much, I complain too much, I wear too much makeup.

But what about those that are telling me these things? Are they perfect? Am I not allowed to complain about them? If we hate so many little things about eachother, than why bother to interact at all?

Social interaction these days...is nihilistic.

My mother said something a few days ago which intrigued me. "You don't need technology when you have magic".

I spend most of my freetime on the computer, eating, texting, reading, or watching. I'm not very hard to entertain really.

But mainly I read. I read alot. I read simplistic fantasy a lot. Children's stories, fairytales, fables, stupid things, etcetera.

I noticed, mainly in Harry Potter and Roald Dahl stories....There was a distinct lack of technology. It was rather nice. All the magic folk lived seperately from the non-magic in the countryside, raising chickens and lighting candles. And they're happy.

We have all of this stuff to compensate for magic, but we are not happy. We including me. How pathetic are we as a human race. Again and again. I don't know what I'm going to say to God.

something along the lines of "Sorry, we suck. And that while we suck all we can think about is how much we suck or what stupid thing we could do to stop sucking".

I'm spouting nonsense. I'm not smart. I couldn't get into the college I wanted to. I can't do anything.

I hate me.

I am a very negative person.

I hate me.